Where Are You God?

It was Thursday, May 17, 2007 in Mineral Wells, TX. The headlines read “Fundraisers planned to help local girl placed in coma.” She started to shiver as her mind began to sort through past memories, trying to catch the ones that were more familiar than her own reality. The room was constantly cold and the sheets did nothing but cover her from being exposed. White walls, flowers, and mountains of machines surrounded the girl. A lonely window was to her left, but she couldn’t feel the pleasure of it being there. Tubes and wires clinched to her skin, sucking solvent in and out, through her veins, invading her flesh. The girl showed uuwas no movement and though she seemed peaceful, she was actually quite tense. The pain running through her spine was numbed. In fact, her whole body was, without consent, controlled. Controlled reality was her biggest nightmare, and she was living it today. Her only escape was through prayer, but God just seemed so far away.

My name is Kathryn Witschorke and this is my story. I grew up in Mineral Wells, Texas, a small town about an hour west of Fort Worth. My daddy owned store downtown called Witschorke’s Antiques. Two doors down from my daddy’s store was my grandparents shop, and my nanny’s office; where my mom also worked. I was surrounded by family my whole life, and they cocooned me with love and praise. I attended Eleventh Avenue Church, took ballet, and created all kinds of inventive little masterpieces that my friends and family called art. I was an outgoing little girl filled with laughter and witty imagination. My life was simple and sweet.

            But one day, that abruptly came to a stop. “Kathryn, you have what is called scoliosis,” revealed Dr. Douglas. My heart stopped and I was floored at the age of only eight.  “Scoliosis”, he declared, “is curvature of the spine from side-to-side, where the spine appears to be an ‘S’ or ‘C’ shape rather than a straight line, like your parents.” That’s when I think it hit me; I was different. “Your curve seems to be the most common form, idiopathic scoliosis, which means that we don’t know what caused it.” He then hung up my x-rays, only making reality a lot more realistic. I squirmed at the sight of the mysterious curve said to be located within my body and glanced over at Mommy and Daddy, hoping for some reassurance. Daddy gave me his goofy smile, but Mommy, I could tell, was holding back tears. “Do you want to pray with me Kathryn?” she asked. But I rejected the offer. “Mommy I don’t want to pray. Leave me alone. This is all a lie.” So hoping the entire spectacle would go away, I closed my eyes asking “Where are you God?, ignoring my concerned parents. But it wasn’t a lie. In fact, it was more real than I could ever imagine.

            As time went on, my visits to Dr. Douglas increased, and so did the curve of my spine. Because of my curve, I became off-balance, and I couldn’t keep up in my ballet class. This didn’t go well with my dance instructors, so they advised my parents to take me out of class. My dreams of becoming a ballerina just slipped right through my fingers.  I was so mad at God. Why would He let me get so good at something and then strip it away? “This is all Your fault,” I told Him. “Where are you God?”

In addition to that, I got strapped into a rock hard, plastic mold that made me feel like a crushed soda can. This disaster of a contraption was formally known as a back brace. “The brace,” my doctor had explained to me, “acts as a holding device that keeps the spine from developing more of a curve.” Well that’s good, but he went on. “A brace won't ever make the spine straight.” And he was right. I wore that straight jacket twenty-two hours a day exact, and went through three of them. During all of my fourth, fifth, and sixth grade I was bullied and harassed. Even though my time spent at home was pleasant, it didn’t erase the pain that was ever-present at my school. I will never forget the constant looks I would get when someone would accidentally or even purposefully knock into me and literally hear a “knock” instead of the expected softness of flesh. In turn, I began to isolate myself from everyone, not wanting to be “knocked”. I prayed, “Where are you God?”

Before long the possibility of surgery became reality. My curve was increasing at a nonstop flight to the east and west and we were faced with no other option. The rods went in with ease and I came home. That was the way it was supposed to be. But my wretched back wouldn't let me get away that easily. I dealt with a low-grade, constant, steady pain all through my back for over a year. I slowly went from straight-A’s to struggling B’s, all because the only thing on my mind was the pain and I just couldn't concentrate. As my grades plummeted, Mom and Dad decided we needed to do something. My doctor’s answer made me steam. “I see that the best solution is to take the rods out. You don’t need them in there anymore anyway.” I didn’t need them? “Nope, the rods only acted as a cast to hold the fuse.” “Another surgery, where are you God?” Little did I know that this next surgery would nearly take my life away.

            After the operation I went home, but I ended up back in the ER for another surgery due to an infection. I went home again, but just a week later I was back. Back and forth I went and just like my scoliosis, the infection got worse. After about four surgeries to clean out the infection, the doctors admitted me for IV antibiotics and blood tests. They discovered more than one type of bacteria, in fact, it was more like ten. How could they fight that many bacteria without killing me? The infection soon found its way into my blood stream and into all of my organs causing organ failure. So, in order to help my body heal, the doctors put me into a medically induced sleep. The coma lasted for almost three weeks, and out of the coma I was in ICU for another two. Altogether I was in the hospital for four months. I was prepared to die. How was I supposed to start my life back where it ended? I was angry at God. Why would He let me get ready to die just to tell me that I was okay? Why wasn’t He there when I needed Him in the first place? The familiar question popped in my mind “Where are you God?”

I started highschool with a developing depression, which was not good at all. I became involved with the wrong crowd. I was so hurt and angry. My hair started to fall out and I was dealing with some other weird medical problems in my body. Even though the infection was gone, I was dealing with the scars all of it left behind. I was tired of being sick, yet my mind was ill. I was tired of fighting. I became isolated and alone, and hurt myself in many ways. I didn’t understand my life and through the anger, I also lost my best friend. Things were just so different and I wasn’t happy with reality. My parents however, soon intervened. I was taken to a psychologist and put on homebound where the teacher comes to my house instead of me going to school.  During that time at home, I was really able to focus on my condition. I didn’t understand where God was in the situation but I had two options: continue in this darkness to my death, or maybe God would save me like He did for Job in the Bible. Thank the Lord, I ran to Him.

Sixteen years old and I was in the Word every night for months trying to fix my depression. Instead of just getting better though, I fell in love. Growing up I knew God as my King, my Savior, and my Father, but through this time with Him, God captivated me and I came to know Him as my Beloved. He nourished my scars.  I want people to know that God is capable of filling every empty spot in our lives, in fact, He desires nothing more. So, as I made my decisions on what college to attend and what degree to get, I couldn’t see myself doing anything but serving the Lord. My parents told me I could do anything with my life, but as opportunities opened, I only saw one path. God not only sent His son to die for me and save my life, but He saved my life again through my illness. I have given Him my story to write and I can’t wait to see what He does with it.  As I started to look back on my past I asked myself “Where was God?” I went on two mission trips and taught Sunday school but I didn’t get until this year. I realized that God doesn’t prevent troubles in your life; He carries you through them and in my life that is just what He did.  In fact, sometimes they serve a greater purpose than just suffering. Romans 5:1-5 really helped me put this together. 

Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.

The problems in my life fit together like a puzzle. Even though it was a mess, they are forming a beautiful picture to glorify the Lord. Throughout my childhood battles, God has shown me four different areas that I believe women need ministering in: bullying, illness, depression, and more recently abusive relationships. As of now, because of my experiences I feel led to serve in Women’s ministry to help in those four areas. I have been on an incredible journey. I went from a little girl who dreamed of fairy tales to a strong young woman living her own with her Beloved Lord and Savior. 


http://mineralwellsindex.com/local/x154982935/Fundraisers-planned-to-help-local-girl-placed-in-coma